I once knew this big German Shepherd that use to scare the hell out of me. When I least expected it the dog would sneak up behind me and bark like a wild animal. Of course I'd jump a hundred feet in the air. I don't know how many times that German Shepherd caused me to lose control of my bowels.

And when I'd turn to face the varmint it would stop barking and with a smirk on its face it would turn around and waddle away. The darn thing was proud of itself.

Well, after this dog had pulled this little lark on me about a dozen times or so I decided that this had to stop. I decided what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I was going to get even.

It took me a week but I finally came up with a well thought out plan that I was sure would scare the bejesus out of that German Shepherd. I went over and over my plan and every time I did I would chuckle to myself. I couldn't wait to see the expression on the face of that German Shepherd when I pulled my plan off.

One day I decided to take off work to carry out my little revenge plot. I called work and said I was sick. The whole time I was on the phone I had to suppress my glee and pinch myself so I wouldn't giggle.

That day I hunted down the big German Shepherd. I spotted him near the corner grocery store and I followed him. I tailed him like I was a detective. He didn't even know it. I must have followed him for hours. Always staying a good length behind him so he wouldn't spot me. Waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Anyhow, the perfect opportunity finally arrived. The German Shepherd came across a squirrel about 20 feet from where it stood. It was transfixed and staring at the squirrel judging the distance it would have to run and leap to catch the squirrel.

Like I said - it was the perfect opportunity. I sneaked up behind the German Shepherd and just as it was about to pounce on the squirrel I took out a large fog horn from my bag and let it off.

The big German Shepherd must have jumped 10 feet in the air. I was all set to laugh my butt off when in the excitement of the moment the dog turned and clamped its jaws around my left foot.

Boy did that hurt.

So I can honestly tell you that a dog's bite is worse than its bark. I've experienced both. From the same dog. I'd rather lose control of my bowels than have that damn dog bite me again.

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By Ralph Cramdin